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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27076699">Ashes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/superqueerdanvers/pseuds/superqueerdanvers'>superqueerdanvers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hearthfire [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(or at least a hopeful ending. the real happy ending will be in the sequel), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fix-It, Hospitals, Mentioned Gertrude Robinson, Pre-Relationship, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, past agnes montague/jack barnabas, past agnes montague/jude perry - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 01:26:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27076699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/superqueerdanvers/pseuds/superqueerdanvers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Cult of the Lightless Flame tries to hang Agnes, she wakes up in the hospital with her connection to the Desolation gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Agnes Montague/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hearthfire [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ashes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Content warning: fire, brief description of the Cult of the Lightless Flame hanging Agnes, and most of the fic takes place in a hospital.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The noose was tight around her throat. Light spots danced in front of her eyes as she began to lose consciousness. And then heat prickled over her skin. The noose charred and crumbled into ash, and she fell to the floor, engulfed in flames. They devoured her clothes, then spread ravenously across the room, feasting on the floors, her bed, the walls.</p>
<p>Once, she would have drawn strength from such an inferno, feeding off the destruction. Now, however, it was feeding on her. The bigger the fire grew, the weaker she felt. It didn’t hurt exactly – even the hottest of the Desolation’s flames, the ones that had burned even its most loyal followers, had never harmed her – but the fire inside her was draining away into the flames that consumed her flat. She had worked hard to build a life for herself outside the Cult of the Lightless Flame, and now she didn’t even have the strength to cry as she watched it burn.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She woke in a bright white room full of beeping machines, and realized after a moment that she must be in a hospital. She lay in a bed, wearing a thin hospital robe, and her stomach twisted at the thought of what must have happened to whoever had moved and dressed her. She tried to sit up, but quickly fell back onto the bed, overwhelmed by a bone-deep exhaustion. And she was so cold, colder than she had ever been before.</p>
<p>After a moment, a nurse came into the room. “Oh, you’re awake!” She glanced at a clipboard. “Agnes Montague, was it?”</p>
<p>Agnes nodded. The nurse smiled. “How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>“Tired. And cold,” Agnes said after a minute, her voice barely audible. She cleared her throat, then asked, “What… what happened?”</p>
<p>“I can get you an extra blanket. And as for what happened, we were hoping you could help answer that. There was a fire at your flat, and a firefighter found you in the middle of it. There’s nothing obviously physically wrong – you don’t have any burns or signs of smoke inhalation – but you were unconscious. Do you have any idea what happened?”</p>
<p>Slowly, it came back to her. The tree at Hill Top Road falling, kissing Jack, telling the others of the Lightless Flame to hang her so they might have a chance to retry the ritual. The Desolation bleeding out of her.</p>
<p>Not that she could tell the nurse any of that. She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She hesitated, then continued, “There was a boy, Jack Barnabas. Did you find him? Is he…” <em>Alive</em>, is what she wanted to ask. “All right?”</p>
<p>The nurse frowned. “The firefighters found him, yes. But he has quite severe burns. He’s in critical condition.”</p>
<p>So he was alive, at least for now. But somehow Agnes knew that the pain of the burns themselves would not be the only way he would feed the Desolation.</p>
<p>Later, when the nurse was helping her up to go to the bathroom, her bare arm brushed Agnes’s. Agnes froze, waiting for the shriek of pain and sizzle of burning flesh, but nothing happened. The nurse barely seemed to notice that their skin had touched.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The next day, Jude visited and confirmed what Agnes already knew – she wasn’t the incarnation of the Lightless Flame anymore. She was just human. “Now what?” she asked quietly.</p>
<p>Jude shrugged. “Be human, I guess. Live that normal life you wanted so bad, while the rest of us pick up your pieces.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want a normal life –“</p>
<p>“Then what the <em>hell </em>were you playing at with that coffeeshop boy?”</p>
<p>Agnes went cold. “Don’t hurt him, it’s not his fault –“</p>
<p>Jude laughed. “Oh, I think you hurt him plenty already!” She sighed. “Fine, I’ll leave him alone. I’ll tell the others, too.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Jude rolled her eyes. “Whatever. And we won’t come after you, either. We owe you that, at least. Even if you did fuck up the ritual after literal decades of preparation.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Agnes whispered.</p>
<p>Just for a moment, Jude’s eyes softened. “I know. But don’t try and contact us. You’re not one of us anymore.”</p>
<p>She stood to leave, and Agnes’s eyes filled with tears. “Jude, please, just… help me get started. My flat’s gone, I don’t even have any clothes left –“</p>
<p>“Then at least the Desolation’s getting something out of this shitshow!” Jude snapped.</p>
<p>“Jude!” Agnes reached for her hand, then gasped and yanked her hand back.</p>
<p>Once, Agnes’s touch had made Jude melt, literally and figuratively. Now, Jude stood strong, eyes blazing, and the barest brush of their hands had left angry red burns on Agnes’s fingertips. Agnes stared at Jude, then looked down at her burnt fingers. “I’m sorry,” she said again.</p>
<p>Jude sighed. “So am I.”</p>
<p>She turned and left.</p>
<p>Agnes lay back, buried her face in the pillow, and sobbed. After what felt like hours, when she had used up all her tears and couldn’t bear to lie in bed any longer, she decided to go for a walk around the hospital.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She stopped in front of a vending machine, and her stomach growled. “What are you thinking of getting?” a voice asked.</p>
<p>Agnes looked to her side and saw a young woman in scrubs with dark curly hair pulled into a low bun. “Oh! I wasn’t… I don’t have any money with me,” she said, gesturing to the hospital gown’s lack of pockets.</p>
<p>The woman smiled. “Do you want anything? I can pay, if you do.”</p>
<p>Agnes wanted to say no, but then her stomach growled again. She looked at the rows of brightly colored candy bars. “I’ve never had any of these. What do you recommend?”</p>
<p>“Seriously? You’ve never had any of them? What, was your family super strict about sugar or something?”</p>
<p>Agnes looked down. “Something like that.”</p>
<p>The woman frowned. “Hey, are you okay?”</p>
<p>She went to touch Agnes’s arm, and Agnes flinched away. She held up her hands placatingly. “I’m sorry, I just… you look like you’re having a rough time. Which, I mean, it’s a hospital, nobody’s having a <em>great </em>time, but… do you want to talk about it, or anything?”</p>
<p>“Can I just get a candy bar?” Agnes asked in a fragile whisper.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course! Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.” She turned to the vending machine. “Anyway, you can’t go wrong with a Cadbury bar.”</p>
<p>She bought one and handed it to Agnes. She took it, careful not to touch the woman’s fingers. Then her own burnt fingertips twinged, and she remembered.</p>
<p>“I’m Leah, by the way,” the woman said with a smile.</p>
<p>“Agnes.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you! Anyway, I should get going, my break’s over soon. But I work here, so maybe I’ll see you around later!” Leah turned and walked away.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Agnes went for another walk around the hospital the next morning, and somehow, she found herself outside Jack’s room. The tile floor leeched the warmth from her feet through the thin slippers she’d been given as she stood there, staring at his name on the door. The Lightless Flame and its followers had left her, but Jack was still there. Still alive, despite her kiss. Her nurse had said he was in critical condition, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t recover. He could wake up, heal from his burns. She could talk to him, maybe have a real relationship, away from the destruction and horror of her past. Maybe they had a chance. She knocked on the door.</p>
<p>A nurse she didn’t recognize opened it. “Hello, did you need something?” she said politely.</p>
<p>“I’m Agnes, I’m Jack’s… girlfriend? I was in the same fire, and I was wondering how he was doing, and if I could see him?”</p>
<p>“Agnes Montague?” She nodded. “His friend mentioned you. You can see him, but he’s still unconscious.”</p>
<p>Agnes thanked her and stepped into the room. It seemed to reek of antiseptic, though it couldn’t have been any worse than in the hallway. Jack lay in the white hospital bed, tubes feeding into his arms, his face was covered in bandages. He was still, so still that if not for the beeping heart monitor she would have doubted he was alive. Her blood turned to ice. What had she done?</p>
<p>“Agnes? Are you all right?” the nurse asked.</p>
<p>“I have to go.” She turned and ran.</p>
<p>She fled through sterile white corridor after sterile white corridor, but though she grew tired, the exertion did nothing to warm her up. Finally, she collapsed into a hard white chair. She shivered and hugged her knees, huddling into herself as the harsh fluorescent lights gave her a headache.</p>
<p>How could she have thought she might have a chance with Jack? He had been nothing but kind to her, and she had repaid that kindness with burns so bad he might never wake up. Jude’s words echoed in her mind. <em>I think you hurt him plenty already!</em> Harsh, even cruel, but not untrue. Jude had never been one to lie to her. He was sweet, and naïve, and so very ordinary, and now he would hate her. And even if he didn’t, he knew nothing about the Cult of the Lightless Flame or how to help her. She wasn’t even sure she knew how to help herself. She couldn’t dump that on him.</p>
<p>She hugged herself tighter, but it was useless against the cold seeping into her bones. The sounds of machines and people’s voices grew muffled, as if she was hearing them through a thick fog. She shivered.</p>
<p>“Agnes?” A voice cut through the fog.</p>
<p>She blinked and looked up to see the woman who’d bought her a chocolate bar the day before. “Leah?”</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said with a gentle smile. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Was she okay? She’d lost Jack, her home, Jude, the closest thing she’d ever had to a family, and her destiny. She shrugged, then shook her head.</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Leah asked.</p>
<p>Agnes shook her head again.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“I’m cold,” Agnes said after a moment.</p>
<p>“Yeah, those gowns aren’t exactly the warmest things around,” Leah said. “Want to get coffee or something? It might warm you up.”</p>
<p>Agnes looked down at her gown, her bare legs, her slippers. “I don’t have any other clothes.”</p>
<p>Leah waved her concerns away. “We can just get something from the canteen. And I have a hoodie you can borrow if you want.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do that.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind. You look like you could use a friend.”</p>
<p>Agnes’s mouth flickered into a faint smile. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Leah smiled back. “The locker room is just down the hall. I’ll go grab that hoodie, and then we can head down to the canteen.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>A few minutes later, Agnes and Leah stood in front of the coffee stand, Agnes wearing Leah’s maroon hoodie. It was worn, and the sleeves were slightly too short for her, but it was warm and comfortable. Leah ordered a latte, and then it was Agnes’s turn. The words came out without her even thinking about it. “One black coffee with room for milk.”</p>
<p>They got their drinks and started to walk away from the coffee stand, and Agnes took a sip of her coffee. And nearly spat it out. Leah looked at her. “I didn’t know coffee was so <em>bitter</em>!” Agnes said with a grimace.</p>
<p>Leah tilted her head to the side. “Have you… had coffee before?”</p>
<p>Agnes flushed. For all the coffees she’d ordered from Jack, she’d never actually drunk any of them. “No,” she admitted.</p>
<p>Leah bit her lip, trying and failing to hide her amusement. “And you thought you’d start with black coffee from a hospital canteen?” She shook her head with a grin. “I’ll go grab you something sweeter. Do you like hot cocoa?”</p>
<p>“I’ve never had it before either. But I’ll try it!”</p>
<p>“I think you’ll like it, it’s much sweeter than coffee. And the canteen makes better cocoa than coffee.”</p>
<p>Leah bought the cocoa and handed the cup to Agnes. She took a tentative sip and smiled. It was sweet, and rich, and the heat chased away a little of that aching cold.</p>
<p>“Want to drink these somewhere else? There’s a little garden not too far from here, and it’s a lot prettier than the canteen.”</p>
<p>Agnes agreed, and Leah led the way to a small courtyard. They sat on a bench under a tree and sipped their drinks. After a minute, Leah spoke. “I don’t mean to pry, but… do you have any friends or family visiting you or checking on you or anything? It’s just, both times I’ve seen you, you’ve looked so lonely...”</p>
<p>Agnes shook her head. “My… family… doesn’t want to see me anymore.”</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Leah said quietly.</p>
<p>Agnes studied the lid of her disposable cup. Her eyes were wet and there was a lump in her throat, but somehow she couldn’t stop talking. “And I lost the boy I was – well, I don’t know if we were really dating, but he was nice. And my… my girlfriend? It’s complicated. But she broke up with me.”</p>
<p>It felt strange to call what had happened a breakup; even the word “girlfriend” felt far too mundane for Jude. But was it wrong? Jude had been the only member of the cult who had loved her as a woman, not just as a god. Despite their relationship being forged in the Desolation’s fire and bloodshed, they had been happy together for fifteen years. And now that relationship was over. She laughed bitterly. “Oh, and my flat burned down.”</p>
<p><em>“Fuck,”</em> Leah repeated. “Agnes, I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>At that – that simple, honest expression of sympathy – Agnes broke. Her eyes welled over, and she began to sob. Leah reached for her, then paused. “Can I hug you?”</p>
<p>Agnes just curled into herself tighter. Leah reached into her pocket and offered her a pack of tissues. Their fingers brushed as Agnes took them, and though her instincts screamed at her to pull away, she didn’t. She just held the pack of tissues, her fingers against Leah’s, as her heart raced. Then Leah let go, and Agnes wiped her eyes.</p>
<p>Leah cleared her throat. “Hey, for what it’s worth, I’ve been looking for a roommate. No pressure, I totally understand if you don’t want to move in with a virtual stranger, but. If you need a place to stay.”</p>
<p>Agnes blinked, then shook her head. “No. No, thank you, but I can’t – this isn’t your problem.”</p>
<p>Leah shrugged. “Okay. But if you change your mind, the offer stands. Just let me know.” She glanced at her watch. “I have to go, but I’ll see you around!”</p>
<p>Agnes nodded. “Thank you. For the offer, and for the cocoa.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>As Leah walked away, Agnes stared at her hand. She could see the healing burns from Jude’s fingers, but Leah’s had left no visible mark. And yet, it was as if she could still feel them, warm and gentle. The thought thawed something in her chest. The late autumn breeze chilled her bare legs, but for the first time since the fire, the feeling of bone-deep cold was gone.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Agnes was discharged from the hospital later that afternoon. She’d managed to get a replacement credit card, so she bought some clothes and rented a room at the hotel next door. It was only a temporary solution, though. There was enough money left in her bank account to pay for food, new clothes, a few nights at a hotel, but the Cult of the Lightless Flame had always covered bigger bills like her rent. She needed help, or she’d quickly run out of money.</p>
<p>But who could she ask? Jude had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with her, and she herself had decided not to drag Jack into her problems any more than she already had. She had no one left, except… except Gertrude Robinson.</p>
<p>They had never even met face-to-face before, only spoken on the phone and communicated through postcards and messengers. But they were bound together, and Agnes didn’t have any better ideas, so the next morning, she got on a train to London. She would go to the Magnus Institute, tell Gertrude what had happened, and ask for her help.</p>
<p>That was the plan, anyway. When Agnes arrived at the Institute, the receptionist said that Gertrude wasn’t meeting with anyone that day. “But… it’s really important, and I came all the way from Sheffield, and I don’t know who else to ask, and…”Agnes rambled, fighting tears. “I just… can you tell her it’s Agnes Montague? Please?”</p>
<p>Whether because she recognized her name or simply because she felt sorry for her, the receptionist agreed to tell Gertrude Agnes was there. After a minute, she returned to the desk alone, shaking her head sadly. “I’m sorry, she said she can’t see you. Something about not wanting to play into the Web’s plans any more than she already had? She said you can give a written statement if there’s something you need to tell her.”</p>
<p>Agnes deflated and took the clipboard the receptionist offered her. Gertrude wasn’t going to help. Cold seeped through her body as she wrote down her statement and headed back to Sheffield.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She was walking back to her hotel, tired and cold and out of options, when she saw Leah leaving the hospital. Without thinking, she smiled and waved. Leah grinned back and came over. “I was hoping I’d see you today! How are you doing?”</p>
<p>Agnes shrugged. “Tired, mostly. I went down to London to go to the Magnus Institute.”</p>
<p>Leah frowned. “The Magnus Institute?”</p>
<p>“I know someone who works there, and I thought…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. She can’t help me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Leah knew nothing about the Entities, about the Lightless Flame and its followers, about the fire that had fueled Agnes until she decided to sacrifice herself and it had left her, burning her old life to ash in the process. How could Agnes drag her into that world, even if Jude had promised to leave her alone?</p>
<p>But Agnes was cold, and Leah was warm. Leah had been there for her when Jude left, and then again when she’d fled Jack’s room. She’d given her a candy bar when she was hungry, and a hoodie and hot cocoa when she was cold. She’d listened to her, wanted to know what was wrong when even Gertrude the Archivist had refused to see her. And… “Are you still looking for a roommate?”</p>
<p>Leah’s smile melted the ice in her veins. “Yeah. Want to talk over the details inside?”</p>
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